In The Windmills Of Her Mind
by Annie Coomes
Summary: Rose awakenes with no memory, no recolection of who or where she is. With the Doctor missing and his life at stake, only her repressed memories can save him. The problem is, will she remember in time? And if she does, what will it do to an already fragile
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Rose awakenes with no memory, no recolection of who or where she is. With the Doctor missing and his life at stake, only her repressed memories can save him. The problem is, will she remember in time? And if she does what will it do to an already fragile mind?

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who nor the Police song, Windmills of my mind

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind 

Chapter One 

_Like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel, never ending or beginning, on an ever-spinning reel _

The walls of the hospital room were blue tiles; they had smiling faces and flowers painted onto them, trying to cheer up the dreariness of the room, trying to pretend that death didn't lurk around the corner. The drawings were there as lies, lies to feed patients, lies to tell to children, to adults, to parents and to lovers, lies to give hope, lies to give chances, lies to stop the tears, but lies is all they were. Each smiling face staring from the wall has seen the death that lurks in this room, each forced smile upon the wall has witnessed death; deaths of the old and the young, the deaths of the careless and the carefree, the deaths of the innocent and the guilty, deaths of the gifted and the damned – yet they remained for one purpose only – to lie. The faces had seen the bodies leaving this room, they'd seen each time as a body was pronounced dead, they'd seen the Doctors shake their heads and heave a sigh, they'd seen the lies they crafted shatter, they'd seen it all.

With everything they'd seen, they thought they knew it all – but they were wrong, today was different. There was no family, no friends, no lovers, no children and no carers, just a girl – a girl who lay totally alone on the clinical white sheets that slowly turned crimson with blood. There was no one to lie to – no one to comfort, for the girl could see through the lies – they never lied to the patients for they knew the truth, they knew the death that lurked in this room, they knew it better than anyone else. Their forced smiles longed to disappear as her unconscious body was wheeled through the wards and into the room, she was met with silence as team of Doctors shook their heads, some wept, some covered their eyes, none of them could bare to look at the maimed and tortured body that they before them. None of them could even begin to imagine the pain that this poor girl must have been through, and the faces could tell, by the look in their eyes, that some of the Doctors wondered if this girl really was better off dead.

They looked down at her battered and bruised body and vowed between them to save her, they vowed to fight until there was nothing left, until everything had been done, until everything had been tried at least twice, they needed this girl to live, because if she didn't, what would be left? There would be no hope, there would be no justice, there would be no smiles and no pats on the back, all there would be is guilt, and so they began to fight for her. They began to fight a losing battle for the girl who was clinging to life by a thread, they began to fight as though she was their daughter, their mother, their sister, their friend, their lover – they began to fight as though their lives depended on it.

The faces watched as the blood left her body faster than it was being replaced, they watched as she was given more blood than any other patient had, they watched as she was opened up, stitched up, searched through and closed again. They watched as her heart rate lowered as though she couldn't bear to fight, they watched as the blood that stained her blonde hair began to turn brown, they watched as her ripped jeans were thrown away, and they watched as her last piece of hope began to fade away. Soon they were watching as her heart stopped, as the machines screamed, as the Doctors shouted, they watched as they pulled out a defibrillator, as they placed the metal plates to her chest, as they shouted 'stand clear', as the shocked her…and as she didn't respond. Once…twice…thrice…she didn't respond, her body failed her as they pumped oxygen into her, they couldn't lose her – not now, not after they'd fought for her, after they'd prayed for her…forth time lucky. Finally her heart beat again, this time more slowly, this time more carefully, this time more warily, almost as though it was afraid of living, afraid of what may come. Yet the Doctors began to fight for her, to fight for the one they refused to lose, the faces smiled despite the death in the room, despite the blood that splattered them and fell down their china faces like tears.

Seven hours, two hundred stitches, two resuscitations, and fifty pints of blood later, they wheeled her out of the room. The tiles watched as she left, their faces still smiling as they watched a miracle, as they watched life being given to the most desperate case, as they finally understood hope. The Doctors shook their heads as they washed the blood off their clothes, as they felt a faint tremor running through them as they thought of the poor girl not living, as they remembered why they became Doctors.

The girl was taken to intensive care, there she would lie for four days, without moving, without speaking, and without waking, there she would be regularly monitored, there she would have a Priest come and prey for her, and there she would have no other visitors other than the nurse who had become quite attached. In her room, the atmosphere of death had been covered up by pink tiles that had smiling rose's looking down over the bed, these smiles never faded, and they never lied, these were the faces that represented hope, that represented care, that represented life – these were faces that would spend day after day smiling at a patient willing them to return to the world – these were the faces that really mattered. These faces watched the fragile body of the blonde girl who lay in the bed, her features were lost beneath red bruises and swollen cuts, stitches marked her skin and bandages covered burns, her blonde hair was brushed every day, the blood having been carefully washed out of it. Tubes monitored and fed her, the tubes lived for her as she clung to life each day, the faces watched the nameless blonde girl – no one knew what had happened, nor did they know where she came from. She was the nameless, faceless child of the darkness to them – she was their sign of hope. But to someone else, to someone else who was as lost as she was; that nameless girl was Rose Tyler.

* * *

Would love to know what you thought! 


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for reviewing everyone!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Two

_Like a snowball down a mountain or a carnival balloon, like a carousel that's burning, running rings around the moon_

Sister Mary sat on the wooden chair that was resting beside the bed of her nameless patient, she had been a nurse for twenty five years; she remembered her first day in the hospital as a young, innocent seventeen year old. Nothing in all of these years could prepare her for what she saw now, the girl who no one knew, the face without a name, the one no one could care for. So Mary sat here, day after day, watching her, waiting for her, just hoping that this poor girl could awaken one day, that one day she would be able to be normal again, that her body wouldn't be beaten and bloodied, that scars wouldn't cover her pale skin, and that a smile could rest upon her face once more.

Mary looked down at the body before her, when it had arrived she could barely recognise it as a human, let alone a girl. Mary had decided she couldn't be any older than nineteen, she picked up her file and began to read, each injury chilling her soul, each wound sending rage pouring through her. As Mary flicked through she could feel phantom pains riding through her from each injury she read, twelve broken ribs, a ruptured appendix, a crushed lung, a broken collar bone, a fractured skull, burns and bruises that darkened her skin – but one wound, the deepest of all, Mary could never know of, for she couldn't see her broken heart.

Nor could she know of the girl's twin – not her physical twin, but her mental twin, the twin who was as battered and broken as her, the twin whose soul matched hers, the twin whose hand fitted perfectly into hers, she couldn't know of the twined soul who cried out begging for his girl to return to him.

So Mary sat beside her, day after day, gently washing her face with warm water, wanting so much for the blood beneath her skin to disappear, but each day it got worse and worse, each day her bruises darkened and her wounds wept with blood, each day her body remained still as she throbbed inside, her blood slowly swam around her, slowly trying to heal her. Sometimes it succeeded and sometimes it leaked away into the sheets; sheets which Mary was waiting to change. Mary sat with her and thought of her past, of the girls' mother, of the girls' father, of the girls' lover and the girls' friends – she didn't know if they existed, but in the life she had dreamed of for her patient they did, in her dream this was a tragic case of mistaken identity, and the girls family would come and rescue her, she would run into the arms of her lover, he would hold her tightly and promise to kill whoever harmed her, and they would all live happily ever after. She dreamed these dreams because the girl couldn't dream them herself, and because Mary knew, somewhere deep inside of her, that the truth was more horrific. She knew the signs of prolonged abuse, of starvation and of torture, and she could see them all on the broken body of the girl. The only part of her identity that remained was a tiny silver key that hung from a chain on her neck, Mary had studied it intensely and knew it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen – this was all that remained of the girl, and she wasn't going to take it.

'How's our Jane Doe then?' one of the Doctors called from the doorway, his face was weary, he'd been on the team of Doctors who fought for her life for hours, he'd spent each day at her bedside waiting for her to regain consciousness – but she had failed him. Each day he visited, hoping for his miracle case to awaken, hoping for her to look up and smile and thank him, hoping for her to remember what happened and put her attackers away.

'No change' Mary said quietly as the doctor's dreams faded away. He nodded and turned away from the door

'Doctor Kent?' she called out, he turned around

'Yes Mary?' he sighed.

'Can we give her a name? A real name? Not just Jane Doe?' she asked, wanting to give this girl a meaning, to give her an identity. The doctor looked from the girls' body to Mary's hopeful face and nodded before walking out of the door.

'Hear that my sweet?' she asked, 'I'm gunna give you a name' she told her as she sat beside the girl. She thought of many names and tried each of them, but nothing seemed to fit, Mary sighed knowing nothing would sound right – nothing would be right for her except for her own name – and that they couldn't find out until she awoke.

'Oh my lost little lamb' Mary murmured as she gently brushed her golden hair away from her face, she looked down into the pale face of the lost girl and knew not what to do. She watched as drips fed slowly into her veins, filling her with much needed nutrients, with pain relief, with water and with medicines. She watched the other drip which continuously filled her body with blood as her own slowly bleed away through wounds that broke through her damaged skin. Mary watched as her chest slowly rose and fell, as her machines beeped telling of her progress, as the sun rose and as the moon took its place, she watched as the girl made no progress, as she made no signs of life. Mary watched as the last of her hopes drained away.

_The whiteness was all Rose could see, within her mind everything was blank or dark, she knew not who she was or what she was. All she knew was the pain and the fear that shot through her, all she knew was the tears and the blood, all she could hear crying through her mind was the voice of a frightened girl calling out, begging_

'_Doctor' the voice cried, and within a flash it was gone, she was alone in her mind again. Just her – no memories, no lies, no laughter, no faces and no happiness – she didn't even know herself anymore, all she knew was the pain. Slowly she began to cry, her lifeless body sobbing along with her empty mind, crying for everything she had lost, crying for the girl she no longer was – the girl she no longer knew. She cried for her past and she cried for her future, she knew she was alone from here out – and that scared her like nothing else._


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for your reviews!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Three

_Like a clock whose hands are sweeping past the minutes of its face, and the world is like an apple rolling_ _silently in space..._

He could feel her pain. He could feel her fear. He could even feel the life draining second by second from her body as she slowly gave up hope, as her body collapsed on her and as her life lost its meaning. He clenched his fists and ignored the pain that tore through his body, it was nothing to him – all he needed was her, he needed to find her and to save her, before his own death occurred. He just wished she could hold on for that long, that his Rose could cling to life for a moment more

'Some bloody Time Lord' he spat to himself before the drilling began again, his screams filled the chamber, and he escaped consciousness, back to the land of peace and safety, back to the land of life.

The girl's body lay still in her bed as Mary walked passed her once again; it was the forth day of waiting, the forth day of tests, the forth day of holding onto hope that was slowly fading away. Mary opened the window next to the hospital bed; a cool breeze floated through the window and across the girl's bruised face, as the birds began to sing outside the window, Mary saw the girl's hand suddenly twitch

_She could hear the sound buzzing again, clawing into her mind, tugging at the edges of her sanity, trying to pry it from her._

'_No' she whimpered as she covered her ears, the pain was random – white noise – just a fuzz being played over and over again working its way into her mind, a fuzz intent on destroying her._

'_Turn it off!' she heard a desperate voice scream, she couldn't open her eyes, because then she would see their empty eyes watching her, their soulless smiles fixed on her, she would see the blood that marked the floor and the instruments of torture they had lined up waiting for her. _

'_Please! Turn it off!' he voice begged again as she began to shiver uncontrollably, she ran her hands up and down her arms, brushing faster and faster, trying to fight away the sound that was filling her, trying to beat of the coldness that was clawing at her. Soon her fingers had dug into her skin, she was rubbing blood up and down her arms as she slowly shook her head, she rocked back and forth slowly covering herself in blood._

'_I can't hear you' she whispered to herself 'I can't hear you'._

'_Please!' the voice begged – it was trembling with fear, 'you're driving her insane'. By the deadly silence that followed she knew they had taken him, they had dragged this stranger from her room, and she stroked her arms again, feeling the blood seep through her fingers, each drop comforting her._

'_Never fear my pet' she croaked to herself 'he'll be back…doctor's never leave' she whispered as the sound loudened._

'_Can't hear you' she sung out to herself before laughing. The blood stained her arms, stained her face, marked the scars and bruises that were healing from her battered face, the blood fell into her soul and into her mind tainting her forever more._

_Then it all went black as the ringing began again._

Mary squeezed the girls' hand as her body began to convulse, it was fitting in reaction to something – something playing through her mind that only she could see. Mary stroked her hand

'Hush my sweet' she murmured 'It's all alright, I've got you' she hummed gently as she stroked the girls blonde hair back. As the body stopped convulsing her face began to twich, each muscle being flexed as though it were unknown, each eyebrow raising and falling, each frown line setting in.

_She could no longer tell if the sound rang any more for she could hear it in her mind, she looked around the room, it was now empty. The man had left her, the tall man with caring worried brown eyes, the man who squeezed her hand and cried as she wept in pain, the man who promised to save her. He was gone now. She looked around and saw a tiny mouse hiding in the corner; she crawled over to it dragging her broken leg behind her_

'_Hello' she whispered with the voice of a child 'my name's Rosie' she giggled like a child who had misbehaved. The mouse watched her as she raised her hand, smiling and laughing she slammed her hand down to the ground beside it. The mouse turned and ran away into a hole that was in the cracked wall. Rose ran her finger down the crack laughing at the memory before digging her fingers within it_

'_Come back' she sung as her mind screamed with absent noises. She huddled against the wall and began to rock back and forth_

'_Hey diddly-diddle, the cat lost his fiddle and the cow was stuck on the moon' she sang to the tune of Oranges and Lemons_

'_Don't worry said pie, I know a fork that can fly, I'll have you out in the nick of a spoon!'. She now stood and began to sway to her song that played perfectly to the white noise that soared through her mind._

'_Okay okay, sometime today, complained a child at play, whatever you do, don't let him moo, or he shall do it again!' she fell to the floor her fingers drawing spirals into the floor following the pattern of her noise._

'_Yet again, the fork from York flew up to save the cow, but the cow, did not know how to fly, so he was left to fry…and die' she laughed as she sung the last verse before drawing a smiling face onto the floor in her own blood. The noise stopped._

_Then her mind was blank again._

Mary sat beside her bed and watched as her eyelids slowly flickered open, she gasped in delight as she saw the most beautiful shade of hazel staring vacantly ahead. She was awake.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Four

_Like a tunnel that you follow to a tunnel of its own, down a hollow to a cavern, where the sun has never shone…_

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

Mindlessly the minutes ticked past as Mary sat beside the girls' bed, her eyes stared ahead emptily, as though there was nothing within her mind. Each second lead to a minute, and each minute lead to an hour, which eventually lead to a day. Day after day passed where nothing happened, where she didn't move, where she just breathed in and out, her eyes blinking but not moving, and her face frozen.

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

_She was alone again. That was all she knew. She was alone and he was gone. She shivered on the floor as she looked around at the darkened bricks which marked the wall, her fingers ran down them mindlessly scratching away her skin. She touched the walls and shuddered uncontrollably_

'_Doctor' she whimpered as she shook. She ran her fingers over her own clothes which stuck to her, the wetness of her blood marked her clothes and forced them to stick to her skin. They were too tight – they clung to her and smothered her, so she ripped them off. Soon the bloodied clothes lay on the floor – she sat in the centre shivering in her underwear as she slowly bleed from her face…from her body…from her soul._

'_Doctor' she screamed as the door slowly opened, she couldn't bear to look around – she knew what was coming, she knew what would happen. Instead she froze and closed her eyes – maybe if she was still enough they wouldn't see her there. The ice cold hand on her shoulder told her that she was wrong. She felt the hand wrap around her throat_

_Tick _

_Tock_

_Tick_

_Tock_

_The clock chimed as she felt a single tear roll down her face, she knew exactly how long she'd been here for and it was killing her. The fingers closed around her throat as she closed her eyes and pictured the one man who could help her…the one man she could help…the one thing that they each needed so badly – each other. She hoped he wasn't hurting as much as she was – that he would live, that he would run in and sweep her into his arms promising everything would be okay. She hoped he was alive. Only she didn't know of the room next door – the room with the secret window that lead to her, the room which confinded a man who screamed endlessly as he watched torture after torture, the man who was slowly falling apart. She didn't know of the room which held her only hope – so she slowly wept as she felt the needle slide into her neck. She knew what would come, the lights, the colours, the pains and the noises. She knew what she would fall into, how her muscles would spasm, how her head would rock as her brain shook, how her fingers wound clench until she bled. She knew how she would scream and cry as it tore through her – but she also knew the relief that followed, the silence of the darkness as she slowly shook. She knew the peace that would come after the pain, and so she waited._

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

Mary watched as the old grandfather clock chimed midday, it was nearly time for the girls' next feed. She looked down over the girl and shook her head, she'd shown no signs of improvement, no signs of life, no signs of existence. But what her body had shown them scared her – it showed torture. Of every kind – chemical, physical, and mental, it showed starvation and pain, it showed wetness and coldness, heat and fire, it showed everything thing that could possibly be imagined by the sickest mind – yet she was still alive. Mary shook her head and watched the clock.

One

Mary stood as the clock began to chime out the tweleve cries for the twelve hours that had slowly ticked past

Two

She moved over to the table which rested beside the door, its light metal shinning in the clinical lights

Three

She picked up the sachet of nutrients and water, her hand shaking as she prepared them into a solution of water

Four

She turned back to the mindless body that lay in the bed as she felt her heart break for the poor girl who knew nothing of what was happening to her

Five

She began to slowly wheel the table over towards where she lay, the wheels screaming out in protest as it moved

Six

She removed one drip and began to attach another – full of pain medication and medicines that they hoped would fix her…save her

Seven

Blood began to trickle from the vein and up into the drip, the clear solution began to cloud with redness

Eight

The purity of the solution was slowly fading away in a mess of crimson which floated slowly through the liquid tainting it

Nine

Mary had her back to the drip, she couldn't see the colour as is slowly turned – nor could she see the blood shot eyes that stared at her back

Ten

Mary turned back around to the pale face which stared at her; blood began to drip down the girls face, leaking from her wounds

Eleven

Mary saw the sheets began to turn red as all her wounds wept and her drip was darkened with blood.

Twelve

The last strike of the clock rang out. It was followed by a deadly scream.


	5. Chapter 5

Hope you all had a merry christmas! Thanks for reviewing, and hope you have a happy new year!

* * *

In the Windmills of Her Mind

Chapter Five

_Like a door that keeps revolving in a half-forgotten dream, like the ripples from a pebble someone tosses in a stream…_

The scream rang through the air, each molecule of sound smashing into the walls and reverberating a hundred times louder. The heart wrenching sound bounced around the room and burst down the corridor, it stormed through the veins of Mary who froze where she stood. The scream echoed down the corridor and through the hospital, cracking through every moment of happiness that lurked within the concrete building. It tore and crushed every moment of hope and every sparkle of life in the eyes of a patient. It broke down everything that the hospital tried to build, every lie and web of deceit that gave hope to thousands and thousands of patients, it broke a persona that had been built upon for so long, to reveal the simple truth that lay within the painted walls and well placed flowers. The scream broke down the forced smiled of the doctors and the masks they'd so carefully placed – they shattered to reveal the only truth.

Death.

_Death that clawed through her mind tainting every darkened corner she tried to hide in. It was death that chased her around this darkened room and death that tainted her , it was death that was so intent on taking her. Death that had parted her from her Doctor, death that was slowly driving her insane, and soon, it would be ready to take her - her and him._

The truth that lurked within ever corner, that clung to every wall and tainted every drip, it was the thing that followed the bravest doctor with the steadiest hand – the doctor who cried over a whiskey as he sunk into his addictions over another death – it was the one thing that haunted everyone everywhere – and she could feel it. Bursting through her veins and tainting every cell in her body, it was a feeling she'd know before, a feeling that had tainted her before – a feeling that she felt coursing through her and she recognised that feeling as death. She felt the grey haze of her mind screaming as reality fought the darkness; she released her scream again – her hand reaching out for another, a hand that couldn't be there. Then she stopped – her body fell limp as her mind screamed inside –the alarms rang around her.

Mary wrapped her fingers around the pole and shook as she saw the girl barely grasped onto reality before slowly falling back into the darkness and unknowing that she craved. Within a moment the spell was broken, it shattered and fell around the hospital – doctors' smiles reappeared firmly in place as they began to walk at a brisk pace down the sunset yellow corridors. When they were out of the preying eyes of patients and visitors, the doctors began to run. They ran towards the piecing cry of a panic alarm, pushing past the frozen nurses and curious eyes. A doctor burst through the double white doors, their silver handles catching the flashing amber of the panic alarm. A cool bead of sweat dripped from his silver hair, his brow crinkled and his normally caring eyes hardened with fear. He met Mary's green eyes which watered, she still stood frozen to the pole – she clung to it, her knuckles had turned white from the strength of her grip. He met her eyes and for a moment they stared at each other, both feeling the dread as their miracle patient slowly slipped away. He watched her and remembered his own words

'She should have died from these injuries, it will be a miracle if she survives'

He looked at his miracle patients, the broken fragile blonde girl and he felt something. It was the faintest drop of hope tearing at his soul and bursting through him – he couldn't give up on her yet… not just yet – one day this could be his daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin…she could be the love of his life or the girl who sits next to him on the bus. He couldn't let her go, so he fought, he fought a losing battle that everyone raised an eyebrow at – he fought to save her against everyone's best advice – he had to save her. So they worked on her, hour after hour, they opened her up and sewed her up, they took her blood; each vial containing her life, her pain and her identity, they took it away for endless tests. They changed stitches, added more, conducted scan after scan, test after test, and x-ray after x-ray until there was nothing left to do, nothing left to take – except for her innocence as she lay unknowingly in a coma, but it was too late for that – someone had stolen all she had, included in her identity – there was nothing they could do except wait. For she was the only one who could save herself now, there was nothing they could do but wait and hope – wait and hope for her to save herself for there was nothing anyone else could do.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you for your reviews! Happy New Year!

* * *

In The Windmills of Her Mind

Chapter Six

_Keys that jingle in your pocket, words that jangle in your head, why did summer go so quickly? Was it something that you said?_

Words. They ran through her head, thousands of them one after another. Meaningless syllables strung together to form a lump in her mind. Words her lips couldn't pronounce, they flowed through her – every word she'd ever spoken or whispered, screamed or cried, every word that she'd ever thought shot through her. Each tried to fight to the top, forcing themselves up to form a wedge in her throat.

She couldn't breathe; millions of words were clogging her and tainting her. She couldn't move nor think, she could just watch as the words fell through her and broke her – each as meaningless as the word before. There was one word that stuck though, as all the others flowed through and out of her as easily as blood, there was one that was stuck. It was caught on her mind like a hare on a wire fence, its foot trapped between the wire – the word was trapped between thoughts. She didn't know what it was or what it meant, if it was a name, object or person, it was all that remained in the sheer blankness of her mind. The word was all she had to cling to, the only hope to lean on. She couldn't feel, she couldn't think and nor could she know, and so she kept this word, she traced it upon the bruises that darkened her pale skin.

Her eyes were closed and her head remained on the pillow, but one trembling unbroken finger traced the word upon the tender skin of her forearm. She had no nail – they were all gone, so skin ran over scared and scratched skin, she gently traced it over and over again searching for the meaning, for answers – instead she found pain.

_She was curled into a ball, an ice cold floor pressed against her back like a thousand tiny icicles. Beside her a man sat with his head resting on his knees, from her spot on the floor she watched him. She slowly raised her hand and traced her finger gently against his hollow cheek; the bone stuck out against her hand as she felt the coolness of his skin. Her fingers moved to the deep cut that laced his forehead, her finger tenderly danced across his skin feeling how the tiny cells put him back together and slowly fixed him. He raised his eyelids, his sorrowful brown eyes watched her as she smiled softly – he shook his head. He ran his fingers across her cheek gently wiping away the thick blood that clung to her skin. It was warm and sticky and coated his fingers. He raised it to his face and stared at it, his finger bent slowly at the joints like a giraffe finding its feet for the first time._

'_I'm sorry' he finally whispered. From the floor she shook her head – she didn't have the energy to sit up_

'_I'll survive' she whispered – her voice hoarse from screams. He closed his eyes and bit his lip_

'_But soon you won't be, soon when they strike you down you won't get back up'. She smiled softy at him and shook her head. She slowly slid her cold hand into his blood coated one, their fingers interlocked – forever the perfect union, they were as one again – how they belonged. She shook her head at him again as a blood drop slowly ran down her face navigating its way to the earth_

'_Nope' she whispered 'Cos I'll always have you to pick me back up again' she told him. He grinned at her – forgotten muscles being flexed as his face pulled into a gesture she thought she'd never see again. The moment she saw his smile she knew everything would be okay, that he would get her out of here, that they would see daylight again…then the door opened._

_As they walked in she froze on the floor, her hand interlocked with his – both of them gripping for their lives. Their eyes locked together as footsteps rung on the stone floor, each of them holding a promise as they waited for what was to come. They reached her first, their faces unyielding and their feet unforgiving as they stepped upon her. Her eyes widened in pain and her hand tighten around his as their feet pressed into her back, finally she let out a scream – it seeped from her soul and it tortured him, he jumped up, still holding her hand_

'_No!' he shouted 'get off her!'. They grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back, a searing pain shot through him as they began to drag him away – he felt his hand fall from hers and little did he know it was the last time he would feel it, it would be the last time he saw the sparkle in her eyes – it would be the last time he saw her._

'_No!' he screamed as they dragged him on his knees from the room_

'_Don't touch her!' he yelled, kicking out violently. And then he was gone, silence fell over the room but his cries still rang through her head_

'_Doctor!' she screamed. And then there was darkness as the foot slammed onto her head._

Her breathing was shallower now as her fingers ran over her skin faster and faster, she didn't move other than that – as still as unconscious expect for her hand. Her hand alone was fighting it as words swarmed through her, swamping her, they touched every nerve and cell, the burst through every inch of her taunting her with knowledge she couldn't find, bit only one word would reach out, only one word could almost grasp the reality that taunted her so closely, only one word was near and it was reaching out.

Mary walked into the room; she saw the movement first – the stillness of her body and the urgency of the hand. She slowly walked over to the bed where faint shard of daylight broke through the window burning into the room. She blinked rapidly against the light and her hand gently shook. She watched the way the hand moved, the restlessness with which it attacked itself – it slowly moved and she watched – it was coming. The truth would be here soon and then they'd all know – they'd all know what the broken blonde girl fought so hard to hide – the reason she longed to hide in the darkness for all eternity.

Mary stepped closer, afraid of being too close in case it stopped. She looked down at the arm, red marks were forming as friction burns from the force of her hand. The white skin which was darkened with purple bruises was now stained red – and it read one word. The one word the girl knew but couldn't speak. Mary breathed in sharply before expelling the word

'Doctor'

'_Rose'_


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks for your reviews!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Seven

_Pictures hanging in a hallway or the fragment a song. Half-remembered names and faces but to whom do they belong?_

She slowly blinked her eyes open, the shutters that were tightly pressed against her eyes slowly rose as she tried to fight the darkness that screamed within her. All she could see was two single white bars of light pouring into her eyes and burning her, she squeezed her eyes shut again and was confronted by the darkness.

---

Like icicles slowly dieing in the mid morning sun of a winters day, slowly dripping into nothing until they no longer exist, until they're not even a memory, they slowly fade into nothingness – like him. He could feel the cool beads of sweat running down his back and dissolving into his stained clothes. He knew he was surviving a lot better than she was – he closed his eyes as the screams of the week before shot through him, as he remembered the billowing smoke carrying the stench of burning flesh – he knew it was her, he knew it was her flesh that burned and his fingers clenched.

He was holding on for longer than she had – she'd tried to fight it, but slowly, after each torture and each crime, it drained away from her – sometimes losing your sanity makes it easier, more bearable, sometimes if you don't know who you are it makes it hurt less – for you can't remember what you were or what you lost – you cant even remember the ones you love, which is why it doesn't hurt to lose them.

'Stupid ape' he spat softly. He didn't mean it – he never did, but it made it easier to hater her, because if he hated her then he couldn't love her and if he didn't love her then he couldn't lose her, and if he didn't lose her then he could keep his sanity. And so he waited – the silence slowly killing him, it was worse than when her screams rang through the air, because then he at least knew she was still alive. All he knew now was that she wasn't Rose – she hadn't been Rose since she'd slipped from his hand, she'd forced herself to forget him and in forgetting him she'd lost herself.

He also knew of the fire – a fire she'd started, a fire she'd dance in and a fire she'd burned in, the smell still clung to his nose, the stench of burning flesh – the stench of death and the stench of Rose. He closed his eyes unable to feel the pain – there was one thing he could feel though and it burned in his heart – his broken body hung from its shekels as he prayed for her to live.

_She couldn't take it anymore; the emptiness of her mind, the pain and the screams she was terrified to identify as her own. The noise had stopped as had the blood. She knew how they worked – six hours rest, six hours "exercise", she counted the seconds until they came again – 21600 seconds of hurting. Only 600 seconds until they returned. _

_Before her they had set a candle, its light becoming a beacon in the darkness of the blood stained room – she knew in 400 seconds they would mop up around her as though she were a piece of furniture, an ancient fixture against the wall._

_In 399 seconds she'd make her move – it was the only chance she had. She looked at the ropes that marked her wrists – they were tight around her hands so that purple – almost black - bruises marked her wrists and her hands were swollen and purple like berries ripe for picking, She counted each second in gleeful await – she'd been saving her energy – her stomach no longer roared in hunger but began to swell like the children of famine, she no longer fought back when they hurt her – there was no point – she always lost, and so she lay there whilst they beat her, waiting – just waiting until they forgot to put the candle out – and today was that day._

_They came preciously six hours after they'd last left her – she'd counted. They had their mops and began to wipe around her feet – she could feel her toes twitching in anticipation of how she would escape and find the man with the chocolate brown hair and everything would be alright. She had it planned down to the exact moment – there was one cleaner, there always was – it threw the cleaning solution onto the floor and moved closer to her. She raised her feet in a single movement and kicked it back; the cleaner skidded on the solutions and then back into the candle. Her face lit up as the candle fell to the floor; it hit the cleaning solutions and engulfed the room, the flames swept across the room taking the cleaner with it_

'_Sorry' she murmured as the flames shot towards her, they grew and grew u__ntil they licked at her skin. They were deep amber like every sunset she had ever seen, they burned at her skin eating her alive but she didn't care, she could feel the ropes around her burning to ashes and fading away – soon she was free. _

_Balancing on weakened legs with wasted muscle, she looked at the inferno around her. She saw the door and ran for it, she ran towards the fire, towards a fate that had to be better than what she'd been living through – the only thing she didn't know was the wall of flames before her – that wasn't in her plan. _

_It was at this point he smelt her in the smoke._

Mary tucked a hot water bottle up next to her – the first thing she felt was the heat burning at her skin – then she felt the flames licking at her wrist again.

'No!' she screamed, her voice hoarse and dry

'The fire…take the fire away!' she cried hysterically 'please…please no more' she begged. Mary jumped in alarm and instantly removed the hot water bottle

'Sweetheart?' Mary asked cautiously

'Doctor!' she screamed 'Doctor!'. She cried the word – the only word that held any meaning to her. Three doctors ran in amazed by the screams of their patient – she opened her eyes and shook her head

'No…no not you – I want the Doctor' she cried.

'Sweetheart, we are the doctors' they told her placatingly

'No' she whispered 'you can't be', she shook her head. Mary knelt beside her

'Who's the Doctor?' she asked softly. The girl shook her head with her eyes wide

'I don't know' she whispered 'I don't know'

----

It had been exactly 21600 seconds – he had counted.

'Oh Rose' he breathed. And then they came; only 21599 seconds until it was over... 43200 until it began again

'Oh Rose'

* * *

Thanks for reading - I hope you can find the time to review.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for the reviews! Sorry for the dealy in updating...but exams called.

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Eight

_Lovers walk along the shore leave their footprints in the sand, is the sound of distant drumming just the fingers of your hand?_

She sat in her hospital bed, the sheets soft and smooth against the harshness of her skin. Doctors and nurses came and left, she didn't recognise any of them and nor could she remember them. As they entered and checked up on her she watched them with her mouth open, her eyes wide as she tried to picture these people, as she tried to picture her life – but it was still blank. As they came and left, she counted, she ran her fingers over her skin, the tips of her fingers falling into each groove, into each cut and into each scar, they scraped over every scab and bruise, past every stitch and every bandage, they carefully touched each burn. She looked at the casts which encased her and the bandages that covered her and she didn't know. She didn't know how this had happened, what had happened to her, she couldn't even remember who she was.

She leant her head back against the metal frame that the bed was attached to, she felt soft tears rolling down skin that she had no attachment to. She felt her mind grieve for her body and her body grieve for her mind, she felt two things that were so unattached pining for one another. Her body needed her mind and her mind needed her body – but there was nothing there, there was nothing to attach them.

So she sat and wept, she wept for the body she no longer knew, the mind she no longer had, and she wept for the silver key that hung around her neck, the key that held something very precious behind its lock but she had no idea what. She wept for everything she was and everything she'd lost, she wept until she had no more tears to cry, and then she shook.

Mary leant against the doorway and watched her patient as she wept for herself, the girl didn't speak, there was only one word she would utter over and over again, a simple word that held no meaning to anyone but herself. Mary shook her head and felt her heart ache for the girl; she didn't even know her own name. It had been days since she had awakened – weeks since she'd arrived. She no longer was attached to cables that monitored her heart; the tubes in her nose had disappeared along with the drips that scared her trembling hands. She was now just a girl, a girl all alone in the vastness of the white sheets – and it petrified her.

Mary had noticed one thing though, whenever she lay in her bed her mind was somewhere else, and her gaze was always averted to out of the window. When night time came, she dragged herself from her bed, leaning carefully on a crutch to support her leg, she dragged herself over to the window. It was how she spent every night, on the chair beside the window gazing at the sky, there was something about the stars that amazed her. Something about the boundless sky and millions of stars above her, she longed to reach out and touch them, her scared hands reaching up to the sheer blackness of the sky but never able to reach. Then her hand would fall away and rest on her necklace, the tiny key that hung around her neck is what she clung to in the night when she watched the skies, waiting, hoping – but no one knew what for, and neither did she.

She never slept. She just sat. If she slept then the nightmares would return, then the pain would shoot through her once more, then the injuries would throb with memories – and so she sat awake. Her eyes heavy with sleep but never faltering, her eyes would become blood shot as she just watched the stars shooting overhead – and so she waited.

Mary had seen this and watched her as she looked out on the gardens. She walked into the room

'Hello sweetheart' she called out – the girl didn't move when she spoke, she was too busy watching the bird that flew by, so easily it escaped this place. Mary walked up behind her and gently placed her hand upon her shoulder – the girl flinched in reaction and Mary instantly removed her hand.

'Sorry' she murmured. It was in moments like this she realised everything the girl had been through – how totally abnormal she was, it was moment like this that she remembered why she was covered in scars and as thin as a child of war stricken lands.

Mary watched the girl as she studied the outside world,

'Would you like to go outside today?' Mary asked softly. She got no reply except for the faint nod of her head. Mary smiled to herself and took that as a yes.

Soon the girl was bundled into a wheelchair for she was too weak to walk long distances on her own, a blanket was tucked around her legs and her arms rested on her lap. Her bruises still marked her, it seemed that every day she was here the darker they became, but the girl didn't mind as she traced her fingers around their outlines.

She parked the girl next to a bush of beautiful red roses, she ran her fingers over them feeling the velvet of their petals underneath the rough skin of her fingers. She ran her hands down the stems, their sharp thorns cutting into her and her blood running freely down their stems. She watched the flowers as she gently stroked them – then her face fell into agony

'_Rose!'_

She shivered as she felt a voice screaming in her mind, fighting through the darkness that marked her to reveal a truth that burned her.

'_Rose! No! Don't touch her!'_

The screams of a man tore through her mind and she dropped her head into her hands as her fingers rested on her once bloodied temples. She shook her head as the screams filed her

'Please no' she whimpered.

'_Rose…Rose…oh I'm so sorry Rose, please Rose…don't give up' _

She lifted her head and looked blankly ahead, her hazel eyes burned once again as pain tore through her

'Sweetheart? What is it?' Mary asked worriedly as her hands clenched into fists crushing the petals of the flower within them.

'Rose' she whispered.

'Pardon?' Mary asked.

She trembled as her fists clenched hard, the voice in her head was fading again as the fog that filled her mind set in again

'Rose' she murmured again.

And for the final time the voice screamed

'_Rose' _

And then they both fell back into the darkness in which they hid.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks for your reviews and sorry for the delay!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Nine

The feeling was like darkness. Sheer black, terrifyingly empty darkness and the only thing she had in this void of her mind was a faint flicker of light. It blossomed as she remembered her name, as words fell into place and as meanings fell into words it grew. Then she would close her eyes, squeezing them so tightly shut that the darkness from her lids became crimson spirals filled with tiny stars. She squeezed them shut and tried to force herself to remember – as she did this the light flickered – sometimes it faltered and fell into the yearning chasm of the darkness and other times it reached tall and dropped her into painful memories, memories that were slowly unravelling and memories that would never fade. Rose whimpered as they began to soar through her - her limbs aching with fear, yet she fell like a lost lamb all alone in the wilderness of her mind

_She could feel the flames licking at her skin, eating her and tainting her as she walked forwards. She was finally free. The ropes no longer hugged her wrists; there were no more needles in her neck and most of all the pain had faded into whatever she had become. She was finally free – of all the chains that held her, the ropes and the pain, the emotion and the fear, the crying and the feelings – they were all gone. Finally she was void of everything. Just a shell – nothing more._

_Methodically she propelled her shell forwards through the fire and past the door. She could no longer hear the screams of the burning guards rattling around her head, she couldn't smell the scorching flesh and she couldn't see the blackened bodies. As she walked through a merciless path of destruction she could hear nothing, nothing except for what had become the norm for her – the hollow ringing in her ears – she couldn't hear his screams._

The Doctor could see his veins clearly now. They stuck out of his hands thick and ropey like a hangman's noose. The skin that covered his hands was paper thin, it was white and wafer life – it scarcely guarded his body. Not that he needed protection – all was lost. He was cut, bruised, bleeding, battered and broken. He had nothing left to lose for they'd already taken her. They'd taken his Rose and now he had nothing to live for. Nothing except for the promise of the news of her death. That would just kill him – it would destroy him, cell by cell, atom by atom and particle by particle until he was truly lost.

He clenched his fists, his fingers trembling in reaction to another poison that was being pumped into his body. So he closed his eyes and saw her in his mind, felt her with his imagination and loved her with his heart. He dreamt of his Rose despite what would come – despite the knowledge that on waking she was really gone. This was the only time he could hide, really hide, within his mind.

Rose spent most days in the garden, except for when it rained – then she'd sit next to the window with her scared skin pressed against the cold panes of glass that protected her from the wetness. Some days she just didn't care, she longed to stand in the rain as it beat heavily down on her skin marking her with the comfort of its wetness. She longed to stand outside as the thunder roared and the lightning crackled and just let the rain was it all away. All the pain, all the blood, all the scars, all the tears, all the hurt and all the loss. She longed for it all to dissolve into the earth how her body would do one day long after this moment. She longed for it all to disappear but she knew it never could. It was a memory, a burden, it was a piece of her and would taint her mind forever more.

Rose pressed her fist to the glass and longed for herself to dissolved into the ground – but however much she wept she never would.

When the rain stopped, Rose went outside again. She paced the wet grass bare foot feeling the fresh drops of rain squeezed between her toes as the hem of her cotton hospital gown became dark with stains. She paced the grounds leaning heavily on her crutches until she found herself in the visitor's playground; she ran her hand across the rain soaked slide ignoring the reflection of the hollow girl. Rose found herself beside a sand pit, her toes sinking deeply into the sand, soon to be followed by her hands. As her fingers ran through the golden sand she felt a thousand tiny grains of time pass through her fingers. Then she knew. It hit her mind more clearly than the sun in the sky; she clutched her head as the events rolled through her mind – an unstoppable force. There was nothing she could do but watch and listen as everything pieced itself together. For better for worse. All would be known.


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks for your reviews!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Ten

_When you knew that it was over, were you suddenly aware that the autumn leaves were turning to the colour of her hair?_

Rose closed her eyes as memories soared through her mind, shattered pictures pieced together with sounds filling in the fragments that wouldn't fit. Smells and faces fitted together with names to create a series of pictures that swelled within her mind pressing against her skull and filling her eyes until the reality around her had turned to ash and only one picture played through her mind. It was time for her story to be pieced together – she just didn't know if she could handle it.

_The Doctors hand was warm within hers, his fingers snug within hers as they walked along the concrete streets of London. It was London 4545 and it was a very different world to the one that Rose knew. The buildings were concrete blocks that rose high into the sky and equally deep into the ground. A thick smog covered the city blocking out any attempts of sunlight that dared to sweep into the city. Fresh air was a thing of history and huge extractor fans sucked air in and out of the city trying to reduce the number of deaths per year by poisoning. The streets were bare as the civilians hid inside – the Doctor explained that the country was in the middle of World War Four. The British were trying to break free from the European Union and return to an independent state which had been abolished over a thousand years ago. These last thousand years had been the darkest in England's history as each country fought for independence, the unaffected countries' power grew and grew as they developed deadlier and deadlier weapons until maximum death output had been achieved. The country was in a state of panic as the English prepared for the maximum loss of life since the twentieth century. _

_The Doctor slid his arm around Rose's waist as they walked along the streets observing the signs that covered the walls, there were posters warning them to stay inside, others reminding them that only they would help themselves, there were rebel signs painted against walls reminding the people of what the British people stood for. The rebels littered the city with leaflets and symbols – their faces remaining nameless from those who had the power to kill. Rose slid her hand into the Doctors and looked at the dank world around her_

'_What went wrong?' she asked softly, he shook his head_

'_People – that's what went wrong' he murmured for the political reasons for the divide between the world was too complex and deep for him to even attempt to explain. Instead he took her hand and pulled her onto an empty sidewalk where they walked along in the shadows, the only people daring to show their faces in a world of death. _

_Rose squinted up into the sky, the building reached up and beyond the clouds and far into the sky which she could only imagine its blue tint fading into a dark smudge of what life once was. She looked at the Doctor and smiled sadly, he tugged her along_

'_Come on' he murmured, 'there's something I wanted to show you' she smiled at him_

'_Good' she laughed as she began to skip down the empty street, her laughter filled the air and he watched her, her smile became infectious and soon his lips were pulled into a grin and his laughter bounced of the coldness of the concrete walls that lined the street. She skipped ahead, turning her head back to smile at him – and then she fell. Her foot slipped into a pot hole, she turned to look down at her ankle which was beginning to swell and beside it was a leaflet. It was marked by rain and blood but she picked it up – she looked down and began to read it around_

'_The ruby riders – fighting the government. It's time for this to stop – for the thousands who go "missing", who disappear into government schemes, its time for the people to rule the country again – join us in our plight'. Rose's voice wobbled as she read out the words of fear, the words of hope. The Doctor sat down beside her in the middle of an abandoned street and stoked a wisp of blonde hair off her face, he picked up her ankle and gently stroked it with his thumb_

'_You alright?' he asked her softly. She nodded at him and bit her lip_

'_Just twisted, I'll be alright' she told him 'Oh Doctor – why does everything go so wrong' she sighed. He looked down at her and shook his head_

'_Forget this place Rose – I'll take you anywhere, anywhere in the universe that is ten times more beautiful than this' he promised. Rose grinned at him and pressed her hand to his face_

'_Take me away from this place' she asked him – he smiled at her_

'_You're wish is my command' he laughed as he helped her to her feet._

_They never saw the figures step out of the shadows – it wasn't until they heard the click of triggers that they knew they were no longer alone. _

The rain had begun to fall down heavily on the gardens again, Rose's eyes flickered open as the rain fell on her and a tiny squeak escaped her mouth – her mind burned with pain and memories as it all fell into place.

Deep deep underground in a place where the sun hadn't shone for centuries, the Doctor shook in a dank cell – the exact same cell as the thousands and thousands of others that filled this underground building. Only something was different now – someone knew he was there, which meant someone could save him. But only if she saved herself first.


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks for the reviews

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Eleven

_Like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel, like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind_

Walking on the fresh grass he crushed the thin blades that stood beneath him, the drops of fresh rain being pressed into the ground underneath the weight of his presence. He'd been watching Rose for days now – he'd seen her wake and he'd seen her remember, he'd seen her grow and he'd seen her fall apart. He knew that this was his chance, his chance to prove how good of a doctor he was – he knew he could give this girl back her memories; he just had no idea of what the consequences would be.

Rose raised one of her trembling hands, wincing as her ribs reacted to the movement, but she didn't care. Using her fingers she brushed the drops of rain off her face that mixed with her tears, she then ran her fingers over the gash that covered her forehead – her fingers probed the skin softly feeling for the difference in what she was and what she had become.

He walked up behind her and gently rested a hand on one of her shoulders, she shuddered in reaction but didn't move – she had lost some of her instant reactions. She slowly turned her head round, wincing as her neck strained itself, her eyes moved so that they could slowly focus on him – finally she'd turned enough so that she could see him.

He stood tall before her, his hair was cropped back to his head and remained in tight ginger curls, his eyes were a deep green and they watched her with a sense of intrigue as her eyes glazed and her lips moved

'Oh I wanted to be ginger, I've never been ginger!' . Rose shivered as stolen words forced themselves through her mouth, out of her memories and into her reality. She shook her head and looked at him in silent question. She didn't want him to be there – and so she didn't speak. He walked around until he was in front of her, then he sat down on the other edge of the sand pit in front of her

'I love it when it's quiet out here, lets me think' he murmured quietly waiting for her to respond. She watched him suspiciously and didn't speak; she consciously pulled her fingers out from the depths of the sand and gently brushed the tiny grains off of herself. He watched her actions, silently assessing her. He drew in a deep breath of air

'I love it after it rains – the smell, its just fantastic' he watched as her eyes flickered in reaction to his words. She slowly raised her head to meet his eyes, he smiled gently at her and held out his hand – she watched it but never touched it. He smiled again and withdrew his hand

'I'm Jacob' he told her after a moment, she looked at him thoughtfully before answering

'Rose' she whispered quietly. He nodded and stood up, offering his hand out to her

'It's getting cold out here' he told her 'Shall we go inside'

Rose looked around at the darkness which was seeping in over the grass and around the hospital. She shivered underneath the thin cotton of her hospital gown and nodded, she struggled to stand as she refused his hand again – she didn't like to be touched. It took her a while, she fell and she winced, she felt the pain soaring through her as her wounds reminded her of what she'd been through; but finally she dragged herself to her feet. She wobbled on her crutch and watched him as he walked silently before her – she followed him in silence towards the doors of the hospital.

As she walked through the doors she took one last look over her shoulder, the stars were shinning brightly above her and for the first time in so long a hint of a smile touched her lips

'He knows all their names' she whispered almost choking on her words.

'Hmm?' Jacob asked as he turned back to her. She froze when she saw him looking at her and her smile dropped; she shook her head and began to slowly walk past him. He watched her limp ahead of him and he knew that this project would be special – very special indeed.

That night Rose lay beneath her cotton sheets and she shivered as she remembered the coldness of her cell, and the heat of his touch. She shook her head to herself as silent tears streamed down her cheeks reminding her of all she'd lost – she still didn't know the whole story, and part of her never wanted to know. But something was itching at her, egging her on – one question that stung the back of her mind in the darkness preventing her from reaching sleep. It was a question she had mulled over for hours, a question she almost didn't want to know the answer to, and a question that gnawed at her soul. She closed her eyes and saw his face smiling at her in a long forgotten city

'What happened to you?' she whispered to a face only she could see. Silently she choked on her tears as the endless night rolled on.

Jacob watched her through the darkened window of her door, he watched as she spoke to herself and she worried herself – he knew that she hid so many depths and he knew that there was only one way to reach them.

'Doctor Roberts?' a voice called out from behind – Jacob swirled around to see another doctor standing behind him – older, more worried.

'Call me Jacob' he said with a smile. The elder doctor ignored him and looked from Jacob to Rose

'Is there any other way?' he asked after a moments pause

'Doctor Jameson' he murmured 'Trust me, this is the only way. Let me have her' he almost pleaded longing to know what was hidden within her mind. Doctor Jameson looked back in the window and saw Rose shivering under her pile of sheets, her face was wet with tears and her lips moved on forgotten words. He swallowed heavily before finally nodding

'Have her – just… just keep me updated' he mumbled after a while. Jacob smiled to himself

'Thank you' he called back after him – he gained no response as the other doctor walked away, but he felt a flutter of excitement unravel in his stomach. Finally he would learn to see in the darkness.

Rose awakened that morning to a strange face beside her bed, she watched him as he wrote in a notepad which was bare from words other than the ones he had just scribbled. She watched his spider like handwriting progress from across the page until he finally looked up. When he saw she was looking at him his face burst into a smile

'Morning Rose' he said brightly. Rose watched him suspiciously

'Why are you here?' she murmured quietly. He stood up and held his hand out again

'I'm a Doctor here at the hospital – I'm part of your team now. I'm a psychologist-'

'I don't want a psychologist' she cut in. He grinned at her

'But you've got one' he told her. He watched her react before he sat down on the edge of her bed 'listen Rose' he told her softly 'it's not as bad as it seems. I'm just here to help you, that's all'

Rose watched him warily, too tired to argue – the screams in her mind had kept her up all night.

'If you just come with me, then I can make it all alright again' he promised her with a smile. She felt her mind ache with a longing for peace as screams rattled through it again, she shrugged to herself and allowed herself to be helped into a wheelchair before being slowly wheeled away towards the end of the darkened corridor. Soon she would know. Soon it would all be over.


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Twelve

_When you knew that it was over, were you suddenly aware that the autumn leaves were turning to the colour of her hair?_

Jacob led Rose into a small room, the walls were made of dark mahogany and the carpet was a ruby red reaching from wall to wall. Before her was a large desk with two leather chairs and a sofa resting against the wall, the walls were lined with bookcases and littered with notes. Rose fell easily onto the sofa with her head crashing back against the smooth leather which creaked under her sudden movement. Jacob slowly closed the door and turned the lights on so that a dim amber shone over the room, Rose closed her eyes and breathed heavily.

On the desk stood a clock, it chimed in the faint light as time moved on another day and another hour – Rose watched the hands slowly turn as her life passed her by and she squinted at the numbers. Jacob fell into the chair behind the table and watched her as the clock slowly released chimes – in her mind she was counting. It had been 21600 seconds and no one had returned. No one had walked into the room with the intention of hurting her. No one had made her scream and cry and wish for death to finally fall upon her so that the waiting would stop. Nothing had happened. Only Jacob.

Rose's hands raised to her temples where she feverishly scratched, she rubbed her head and felt her fingers tremble and her ribs ache in protest to the movement. She took in shallow breaths of forgotten air and she looked up from the clock to meet Jacobs questioning eyes.

'Where are they?' she whispered as the lights within the room flickered, Jacob licked his lips and watched her

'Who?' he asked softly. Rose shook her head at him and her eyes widened

'You know. I know you know. You can see them. Where are they hiding?' she whispered in panic, trying to shield herself from the blows that she knew were to come.

Jacob raised himself from his desk and walked over so that he was sitting in front of her, he watched her eyes as they darted around the room and he gently placed a hand on her arm.

'No ones coming Rose – you're free' he told her softly. Rose flinched under his touch and looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears

'Why are you lying to me?' she choked. Jacob shook his head

'I'm not – I swear'.

Rose met his eyes for a moment and she watched him, she no longer knew what to believe or who to trust. She raised her eyes to the amber light that hung from the ceiling and watched as the shards of light beaming from it flickered in the darkness. Her eyes darted to the window where the wind howled and tore at the glass, rain hurtled against it and leaves danced through the air. Rose shivered and slowly stood so that she could limp over to the window; it was a full length window reaching from the floor to the ceiling. She pressed her forehead to it and watched as the rain threw itself at her but never hit her. She raised her hands to the window and pressed her palm flat against it – she was reaching out.

Around her the lights slowly flickered out into darkness and lightning lit up the sky as thunder roared above her, but to Rose there was only one voice she could hear and only one face she could see. She pushed her forehead harder against the window as she longed for herself to feel – and slowly the memories fell back into her, piecing her mind together ready for her to break. It was time.

_The Doctor's hand was warm within hers as he helped her to her feet. Moments before the street had been bare and only their laughter fell through the shadows – but now there was movement within them. The Doctor squinted into the darkness as Rose did the same; he squeezed her hand comfortingly as he called out_

'_Hello?' he asked tentatively, when he got no reply he raised his eyebrows in Rose as they prepared to walk away. Only when they heard a click did they turn around, and then they saw the barrel of a gun pointing at them through the darkness. _

_The Doctor heard a small gasp escaped from Rose's lips and he froze, he looked around and saw more guns app__ear from the darkness. He gave Rose's one last squeeze before he dropped it and raised his arms into the air – she did the same. The guns slowly came out of the shadows revealing the men that held them. They were dressed in head to foot black, bullet proof vests mounted their chests and balaclavas covered their faces – only their eyes were visible which stared at them blankly through the darkness. Rose gulped heavily and remained silent as the Doctor eyed up the competition._

'_Hi…I'm the Doctor and this is Rose' he began brightly. When the guns were raised higher as though they were about to take aim, the smile fell from the Doctors face_

'_I think there's some sort of misunderstanding' he began. The men looked from one to another until one shouted out_

'_Take them'_

_When they felt feet colliding with the backs of their knees pushing them forwards they knew they were in trouble. Rose fell to her hands, her skin grazing on the concrete below her, a gentle trickle of blood ran down her hand and she reached out to the Doctor. He grabbed her hand as the men jumped on them from behind kneeing down on them; the Doctor swallowed heavily and met Rose's eyes_

'_Don't fight them' he shouted to her as he clung to her hand. Her eyes were wide and frightened as she watched him, she nodded frantically to his orders, he gasped for breath against the pain and held her eyes_

'_Rose – I won't let anything happen to you, I promise' he shouted as they pulled a bag down over his head. Rose squeezed his hand one last time as a bag was pulled over her head plunging her into darkness, then they were tugged apart and their hands broke free. _

_The Doctor and Rose were bundled into nearby vans and slowly driven away._

_On the street the day remained the same as before – as though they had never existed. The street was empty except for the tiny skid of blood on one of the slabs and a leaflet that rested beside it_

'_Time for this to stop – fight them before they find you'._


	13. Chapter 13

Thank you for your reviews!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Thirteen 

_And the world is like an apple rolling silently in space, like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind_

Rose gasped heavily as she leant forwards against the window, her ribs felt heavy around her lungs as she heaved for breath and her knees began to cower with memories. The rain threw itself at her but was blocked by the window which protected her, she raised her fingers to the glass clawing as she tried to free herself – her fingers turned white from the effort.

_Rose lay on the floor, she could feel her ribs pressing into the floor as she gasped for breath – the bag over her head darkened everything around her and it quickly became damp from tears. She slowly wiggled around on the floor, rolling herself over and over ignoring the cries of pain from her wounds. She kept rolling until she felt a wall on one side, so she began to roll in the other direction. Soon she felt herself roll against a lump; it was warm and felt like a body. Kicking out with her legs she manoeuvred herself into a sitting position and held her bound arms in front of her. Her wrist were tied together in front of her chest and she fumbled around in the darkness to feel the lump in front of her. Her hands traced a suit jacket beneath a coat, her hands slowly raised along a chest and to a neck that was also bagged._

'_Doctor?' she choked – her voice was a muffled whisper from beneath the bag that masked her._

'_Doctor?' she cried out louder – she felt the body groan in response. His bound hands slowly rose and moved across his body until he felt the gentle fingers that rested on his chest_

'_Rose?' was the muffled answer she heard. In response she squeezed his hands and he held her fingers tighter once he realised it was her. Rose knew there was nothing they could do right now but wait, so slowly she lowered herself back down to the floor of the van, resting her head against his chest. With their fingers intertwined they lay for hours as they rumbled through the city, other bodies were thrown in with theirs but no matter what happened they didn't let go. They were together – for now._

Rose slid to the floor of the office, her head lying against the floor as her eyes stared vacantly ahead into the night, as her fingers slowly trembled in reaction of what was to come.

Jacob walked slowly over to where she lay, he frowned down at her before taking a seat on the edge of his desk. With his glasses perched on the edge of his nose he watched her intrigued as she slowly remembered himself. As her body twitched violently and her mouth opened to scream out silently, he opened his notebook and began to rapidly take notes whilst humming along to himself.

Rose twitched once more before her mouth closed and her fingers reached out – she needed him.

_Rose had fallen asleep lying on the Doctor in their mobile prison, he'd gently stroked her hair for hours as he thought of how to change things – of how to escape. He had to protect her. His thoughts were filled with her face screaming with fear and pain as he thought of his promise to her_

'_Rose – I won't let anything happen to you, I promise'_

_He couldn't help but think of how wrong he could be, he had failed her, but right now he didn't know how badly. _

_Rose awakened from the darkness to find only more darkness, she gasped for air as she remembered the bag over her head. It wasn't until she felt the Doctor's fingers on hers that she began to breath normally, her head was aching and her mind was numb, she closed her eyes again as she began to wait – she didn't have to wait very long._

_Soon she felt hands on her ankles dragging her out of the back of the van, she screamed as her fingers fell from him, then she screamed again as she fell from the van onto cobbles. The stones shot pain through her back and she tried to jump up but the hands were too strong for her. They kept a firm grasp on her ankles as they dragged her across the courtyard and towards a house, she winced every time she felt her skin scrape away and she marked the stones with blood. Little did she know that the Doctor was being dragged behind her and each time he felt a smear of her blood on his skin he realised how much he had failed her by._

Jacob looked on as she curled into the foetal position on his office floor, he frowned at this before pulling out a camera. This, he thought, would be very good for my book – very good indeed. If only he knew what she was really going through.

_The bags weren't removed until they reached a small room. There, each person was lined up and their bags were removed – each person blinked in reaction to the single lamp that shone over the room, their hands remained tied and they had no choice but to blink into the light. When Rose's bag was removed she instantly glanced around in search for the Doctor – he was next to her, when she saw him a look of relief took over face – a look that was mirrored by him. When she opened her mouth to speak he shook his head at her, frowning as he saw the blood that marked her clothes, then she saw his fists tighten with rage._

_There were ten other people in the room, the Doctor and Rose were labelled number eleven and tweleve – they were last in line. There was nothing they could do but look on as the masked figures began to slowly shave away the hair of numbers 1-9, they were removing all identity until each person had nothing left except for their number; until they became their number._

_As the razor was raised before Rose's face she gave one last sideways glance to the Doctor as tears began to spill down her face, she looked one last time at the blonde locks which hung over her shoulders and felt her body begin to shake. _

_The Doctor heard her cry before he kicked his leg out. _


	14. Chapter 14

Thank you for reviewing!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Fourteen

_Pictures hanging in a hallway or the fragment of a song, half-remembered names and faces but to whom do they belong?_

Rose could feel it crackling through her. Each memory she had ever had shot through her mind, faded and greyed as though it was whirling through a mist. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut as she tried to remove the grey; she need to see, she needed to remember his face, and she needed to know his name. As she felt her mind slip from the consciousness it clung to, she felt colour begin to fade into the pictures that hung emptily in her mind. Frozen pictures that she needed to move, faces she needed to smile, and tears she needed to cry. She let out a little sigh of breath as pain ached through her body and droplets of crimson began to cover the pictures in her mind – she needed to see them but only one was visible. Her mind seized it and began to move the frozen frame, the lost pictures swam around forming a moving image, the colour draining into them as sound began to leak from them. Soon she was there, trapped within her mind again.

_The Doctor saw the first golden lock fall to the floor, its golden strands falling apart as it softly floated towards the floor. He could see the faint light glittering of the gold as it was sleek with tears; he felt his throat tighten as tears silently rolled down her face. His mind filled with lost memories of his fingers gently threading through her hair and grabbing the curls between his tightened fingers savouring the softness of her against his hardened hands._

_He met her eyes and she looked at him, the hazel depths couldn't hide the truth that scattered her face in the form of frozen tears. He watched her hands as they clenched out trying to stop her attacker, but they were held back by the tightened band which restricted him. He looked at her once more and saw the wave of helplessness fill her until she trembled. The corner of his mouth upturned in a gesture of comfort towards her – one that she could not mirror. _

_Just as he felt his heart breaking for her, he raised his leg and kicked out striking down the man who stood before her, causing her so much pain. Rose darted back, her wobbling legs supporting her as she tried to run. The Doctor turned to follow her but was pulled to the ground by the fallen solider. He screamed out as they grabbed Rose from behind and threw her against a wall. They pinned her to it and stared down into her face, she met their gaze, hers was unwavering as she watched the monsters that held her. _

_The last thing he heard was her scream as they dragged her from the wall, the shouts of protest echoed of the stone walls, reflecting with his own. Soon she was out of the door, the room no longer blessed with her presence. _

_The Doctor lowered his face to the floor, her golden curls soft against his skin as he silently f__umed, as he felt his body go limp as they kicked him. He slowly raised his hands and in between his slender fingers he scooped her hair, he pressed it between his forefinger and his thumb gently stroking it as though it was still a part of her. _

_As they dragged him from the room he clung onto it – it was all he had left of her to hold on to._

_Rose slowly let the final moments of sleep drain from her as her body screamed for her to awaken. A dull pain was throbbing through her leg as she raised her head; she saw the gleaming stick of metal sticking out from her as liquid was pumped into her. She raised her other leg to kick away the needle, it tore through her skin and dragged itself up breaking her and wounding her. Soon a six inch wound had torn across her thigh and it throbbed with loss and blood slowly drained away from it. Her trembling fingers reached down as the creature left, she pressed her fingers against her blood savouring the warmth it left upon her skin. She shivered as she looked round at the room she was being kept in. It could be no more than 6 foot by 12 foot she realised as she lay staring at the dank metal walls that glittered around her. There was no window in the room to give her any regard of day or night, no reasoning of time to keep her sane. Instead all the stood before her was the dark metal of handcuffs chained to the wall. Four holes, two for wrists and two for feet, as her breath quickened she felt a plunge in her stomach, her leg throbbed with a tearing pain and soon her body gave into convulsions. This would be the first of many. _

Rose's body began to convulse against the floor of the doctors office, Jacob leaned down over her and momentarily thought of returning her to the ward where they could most likely stop these fits. Then a faint smile lit his face as he just stood over her and watched as her body shook and fitted, as a foam began to hug the corner of her lips. His smirk remained on his face as he lent forwards and pulled out a handkerchief before dabbing away the foam, then slowly he dropped himself back into his chair and continued to make notes. If things kept going this way he'd be don't in no time.


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks for reviewing!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Fifteen

_Never ending or beginning… as the images unwind… rolling silently in space…_

Rose could feel the poison swimming through her body, just like it had done weeks before. It swam through her veins like a heavy lead weighing her down as she tried to move, she knew she couldn't, so she lowered her head to the carpet as its fibres pressed into her scarred cheeks. She watched as her memories played over and over in her mind, accompanied by the screams of the missing.

_Rose could feel herself being moved, her hands hung limp beside her, and her legs wobbled beneath her as she was dragged along the floor. Her face was pressed to the concrete as she was dragged; she could feel the coldness of it scrapping against her face until her blood stained the floor. She tried to groan in protest by she couldn't speak, and nor could she move, she realised with a sickening thud that they were poisoning her as another needle slid through the innocence of her skin. Soon the thick metal was beneath her skin and pumping itself into her vein, the liquid burned through her and she felt her head burn with pain. The stars she could see in the back of her mind faded away as the paralysis took over her body – she no longer fitted in reaction, instead she slowly died._

_The Doctor was being removed from his chamber as well, the drug hadn't affected him as badly as it had Rose, he was still conscious and able to move. As they dragged him down the corridor he lay still allowing himself to be tugged heavily across the floor, he knew he had to bid his time until he could find her. He let his eyelids fall open a crack until he could see the ankles of the creatures that dragged him – they were cloaked in black. He knew it was pointless to attack them now, all that would happen was they could chain him up and he would never reach Rose. He knew he needed to wait until he could find her, until they could fight together, until they could escape. So he let his head drop back down to the floor, his skin aching with burns as they dragged him along, straining his hearing for pieces of conversation floating above him._

'_Boss says we gotta move them. 'Parently the rebels attacked again, they were getting close. Gotta move them all down below, so no one can see them' a voice explained emotionlessly. _

'_So no one can hear them scream' the other voice laughed as he kicked the Doctor in the ribs as he continued to drag him slowly down stone steps. The Doctor tried not to grunt in response to the pain, instead he kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut and clung to the locks of golden hair that rested in between his fingers – he was praying she was alright._

Jacob frowned down at Rose, her body was pale now and the convulsions had stopped. He frowned deeply to himself as he bent to wipe the dried foam from the corners of her mouth. He glanced at her fallen form and back over to the window where the rain still pounded against the water, he let a small smile pass over his face as an idea fell upon him.

He bent and grasped Rose's wrists; he began to drag her against the floor ignoring the sound as her ribs cracked underneath the pressure. He pulled her through the doorway and down the stairs, one by one, her skull gently colliding with each.

_Rose felt the stone steps pass underneath her as consciousness threatened her again, she could feel the pain burning through her mind as the stones scrapped against her back, she tried not to move as they threw her against one of the stone walls within her new compartment._

_She heard the door slam close behind her but she still didn't move, she lay there as pain swarmed through her body followed by disorientation, she couldn't form any strength within her body – not even enough to raise her eyelids. So she lay in her own self contained darkness until strength could fall upon her once more._

_The Doctor made no fuss as they dropped him into a colder chamber, he fell to the floor with his eyes squeezed tightly shut, lying still as he listened for the door to shut. He heard some mumbled whispers and a few faint laughs before the door clicked shut behind them. He opened his eyes cautiously as they adjusted to the darkness he took in his surroundings. He was in a room, it was a very small room with stone walls to match the grey stone floor. It was freezing in this room he noticed as he pressed his hands to the floor, then he noticed the warm stains of blood that trailed along the floor. _

_He managed to sit up, ignoring the twinge in his ribs as he balanced on his knees, the stones pressed into his bruised skin as he looked up at the ceiling which hung gloomily above him. There were no windows in the room and there was no light, his eyes scanned the darkness and his ears strained to listen around him. What he heard was a tiny breath, a breath that tore through the silence of the room, a breath that was followed by a whimper. The Doctor remained on his hands and knees and began to crawl through the darkness to where the noise was coming from_

'_Hello?' he called cautiously as he made his way towards the torn breaths. When he gained no response he tried again_

'_Hello? I'm the Doctor' he called out as he began to notice a figure curled into the foetal position tucked into a corner. As soon as he spoke the body reacted, the whimper became a groan as the voice called out. He frowned and squinted as he tried to figure out what the voice was moaning, he began to crawl faster against the floor as his skin scrapped against the stones. _

_He reached the side of the body_

'_Doctor?'_

'_Oh Rose'_


	16. Chapter 16

Thank you so much for your reviews!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Sixteen

_The Doctor pulled Rose's limp body into his lap as he began to gently stroke the frayed golden locks off her face; her eyelids flickered in reaction as his cool hands pressed against her face. She let out a soft mumble as he soothed her skin_

'_Rose' the Doctor murmured 'Rose I'll get us out of here I promise' he whispered down to her almost unconscious form, she didn't move but her hand slid into his, gently squeezing it in recognition of his words. _

_Just as he bent to whisper something into her ear, he heard the door swing open and the figure reappear. He coiled his fingers around Rose's as the figures approached him, he didn't know if Rose could hear him but he bent down to her ear and spoke to her through hushed whispers_

'_See you soon…be brave my girl, be brave' he choked as they grabbed him by the feet, he tried to kick in reaction as they dragged him away but they pumped the drug back into his veins until paralysis wrecked his body. His eyes met Rose's as he slid away and she smiled bravely at him – in that moment he knew she would be alright, no matter what. _

Rose's body had reached the bottom of the staircase; Jacob leant back against the wall and gasped for breath.

'Heavy little bugger aren't you' he spat as he kicked her shin. Her skeletal form lay still on the floor, the casing around her leg creaking as it was attacked. He wiped his hair back so it was slick against his head again and he swung the door open. He picked up Rose's wrists and dragged her slowly out of the concrete and into the dense mud.

Rose's face fell limp into the mess of nature beneath her, her pale skin sunk into the puddles of mud that lapped around the stems of grass that were battling the storm around them. The rain pounded heavily down on to her skin and it seeped into the dressings that tried weakly to protect her wounds. Rose slowly opened her eyes.

_Rose felt herself be dropped onto the stone floor, she rolled over so that she could stare up to see what would happen next. Instead, she saw a beaker. It was a tiny beaker filled with a tiny clear liquid, she could see the gloved hands that held the flask and she tried to crawl away_

'_No…' she whimpered as she dragged her lifeless body across the floor. The figure just followed her, tilting the flask as he approached her. Rose curled into a ball, returning to the foetal position she had lain in nineteen years ago. And then she screamed as it was poured over her back, dissolving through her clothes and burning into her skin. She screamed as the liquid fell drop by drop._

Drop by drop the rain cascaded into her back, it fell into the seeping wounds that marked her back, each drop mark being filled by another type of pain. She let out a whimper as the pain shot through her body, too tired for screaming.

Jacob watched from the doorway, protecting himself from the rain as he glanced thoughtfully up at the darkened sky

'My mother always said that the rain was the tears of angels' he murmured as he walked over to Rose. He bent down and pulled her head back by her hair so that her mud streaked face stared blankly up at him – he smiled emptily at her as he dropped her head back into the mud. And then he pressed his foot on it, he pressed his foot onto her skull so that her head fell into the layers of mud so that she was nearly drowning in it.

'Guess the angels are crying now aye?' he mocked as her body squirmed in reaction. He pulled it up again as he bent down next to her head, her eyes stared angrily up at him as she raised a hand to fight back, he caught her wrist and began to bend it until her eyes filled with pain and her mouth bordered on a scream. He nodded knowingly at her as her feet kicked out, she knew it was useless but she was sick of playing the victim. She ignored the pain and raised her other hand to strike him in the face. He fell down into the mud beside her and spat out blood at her, she turned in the mud and pulled at his shirt, trying to push his form away from her. Instead a piece of paper fell out of his jacket and stuck to her body in the rain. She glanced at him; he was smiling at her now as mud marked the corners of his mouth. She pealed the leaflet off of her skin and squinted to read it in the pale light that was shed from the doorway

'Time for this to stop – fight them before they find you' she whispered the phrase that was familiar in the back of her mind, she ran her fingers along the blood stained sheet and her fingers fell into the marks as she stared up at him.

'You remember don't you?' Jacob spat as he looked down at her

'Do you remember me tearing it from your hands? Do you remember me pressing a gun to your skull? Do you remember me pulling a bag over your head?' he growled. Rose nodded weakly as she stared at him in disbelief

'Good' he murmured as he slowly stood up. He brushed the dirt away from his suit and stared down at where Rose lay in the mud. The rain fell heavily upon him; it was slick upon his hair and fell down his face at the pace of tears. His eyes were as hard as stones as they stared at Rose like emerald jewels from his head; a sneer covered his face as he met her eyes.

'Do you remember me killing your Doctor?'


	17. Chapter 17

Thanks for all your reviews!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Seventeen

_Like a circle in a spiral…_

As Jacob spoke those words to her, Rose felt the rest of her memories falling into place. She squeezed her eyes shut and gasped for breath as her lungs tightened around her dislodged ribs. She drew in ragged breaths through the pain as she saw the last month playing through her head like a film without sound; it soared through her mind until she could only see vague fragments blasting into her sight.

_She could feel the acid dropping into the seeping wounds that already marked her back, her hands flexed in pain before she faded away into the darkness in which she hid. Her body writhed in pain as her heart pounded weakly within her chest. She could feel her ribs move as arms collided with them, she could hear them crack as she cried out, she could feel the essence of her slosh around within her stomach. She could feel the hope in her heart fading away as she slid to the floor, she could feel the last moment of air being sucked from her lungs._

Like a wheel within a wheel…

_She could feel knifes being pressed into the softness of her skin, and she could feel her blood leaking out of her. She could feel them probe and feel them murmur, she could feel their hands within her skin, touching her organs and pressing her soul. She could feel their pain flowing through her veins as she faded away again. She could feel death._

Never ending or beginning…

_It wasn't until she could feel nothing – not a pain, not a whimper, it wasn't until not even a smile could form upon the edge of her lips that she was free. It was only now she could plan, only now she could escape, it was only now she could try to save the man who's memory had saved her from insanity throughout the dark pain filled hours. _

Like a carousel that's burning, running rings around the moon…

_That's when the fire came, that's when she walked into the flames – not afraid to burn, not afraid to scream. It was when she walked into the flames that she killed, that she maimed, when her skin burned away from her arms she could escape the restraints of scabs and flesh. As she fled the cold stone corridors where flames leapt around her she was finally free of her pain and her tears._

Like a tunnel that you follow to a tunnel of its own…

_She left the building. Half dragging herself, half walking, the screams of the dying barely reached her ears as she walked into the darkness of the night. She never looked back – only forwards as she searched for a memory painted into her mind, a blue box. In her mind she knew it was safe and so she searched, unknowing of where to look or of what to know, she searched for her salvation. _

Down a hollow to a cavern where the sun has never shone…

_The grass was wet between her toes, her crimson blood marked the emerald green rug that covered the earth. She dragged her bleeding soul through the day and through the night, past the pain and past the fear until she could take it no more. She paused for a moment and then she fell. She lay in the grass, its wet stems pressed into her mouth, her wounds bleeding and her limbs aching. Her eyes shut as flames leapt through her mind, screams reverberated through her until there was nothing left to lose. She lay there in the mud until it had all drained out of her as easily as tears._

Like a door that keeps revolving in a half-forgotten dream…

_With her hands tucked tightly around the blades of grass was how Jacob found her, he had leaned before her, his hand pressing over her mouth. His skin rough against her coarse chapped lips, his hand pressed over her mouth and his fingers squeezed her nose shut – her eyes never opened as he slowly killed her as she lay innocently in her despair. _

_It was the cries of hospital staff that forced him to stop, cries that forced him to stand and shout she had a pulse, cries that forced him to forget his mission and act the doctor he had forgotten he had been trained to be. He watched as they battled to save the one that got away – the one he needed to die._

Like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind…

With Rose's face pressed into the grass and the rain battling her wounds where blood had once wept she finally knew her story. She turned her face to stare up at Jacob, her eyes staring into his soul as she slowly sat. She turned slowly from her grave in the mud and watched his eyes which burned with promise. As he raised his hand to strike her she simply shook her head.

He froze as he saw her eyes; he saw something he feared, something he hid from. He saw the determination in her eyes, the promise of hope for the one she loved, he saw a promise in her eyes and it unnerved him.

She reached out and tore up the leaflet that was stained with the blood of her Doctor. She dragged herself to her feet, as weak and limp as a new born lamb, but she turned away from Jacob. He lay pressed into the mud, his heart burning with fear of his actions; she turned to him and looked down. She leaned before him, her fingers gently caressing his lips as he had once down to hers, she pressed against his nose threatening the stream of air that was his life source. And then her fingers left him as quickly as they had touched him, she turned from him and stared out into the night. She'd had enough of death, there was only one thing she needed now, and it was up to her to find it.

So she left this hospital, she turned blindly into the dark with only the moon guiding her, and she walked away from all the pain towards hope. She walked towards her Doctor because only she could save him now.

_Half-remembered names and faces but to whom do they belong…_

* * *

Thanks for reading, hope things are starting to make more sense now...


	18. Chapter 18

Glad everything is starting to fall into place! Hope you enjoy!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Eighteen

_Keys that jingle in your pocket, words that jangle in your head, why did summer go so quickly? Was it something that you said?_

Jacob lay in the grass watching as Rose walked away from him. The rain fell heavily against his skin, and just as Rose had, he saw his life flash before his eyes. And slowly, as the heavens wept upon him, his own tears fell from the corners of his eyes. His hands clenched as his past dreams rushed through him, followed by his past killings. Yet all he could hear in his mind, mixed with the screams of the dead was his mothers' words

'The rain is the tears of angels'. Finally, as their tears fell upon his skin he realized that he was right. He slowly stood and turned into the night, he walked into the setting sun as the moon burned upon his back, as the tears marked his skin, his own burned his face. Jacob walked into the night, haunted by the actions of a lost man in a world of madness; he walked into the night and never would be heard of again. The doctor who had so much potential and so many dreams was ruined by his own weakness – by his own humanity. So he lost himself in the night as the angels cried for him.

As the angels wept for Jacob, they were not alone in their tears. Walking through the darkness was a lost girl, she no longer cried and she no longer smiled – she couldn't remember how. But she dragged her dying, weak body through the wounds of the land as she searched for a lost soul. The angels wept for her as the rain fell heavily through the sky, darkness closed over the earth echoing the darkness that filled her soul – yet one ray of hope shone through. The moon's beams fell softly over the hillside, revealing what the darkness shrouded, it showed a doorway through a hill, it showed a blood streaked path, and it showed a blue box on top of the hill.

Rose crawled across the land towards the doorway, she fell onto her hands and knees, the pain of her body pushing her to the floor, yet she continued to crawl for his salvation. Soon her hands were upon the slick metal of the door, her fingers grasping and sliding as she tried to open the metal cage.

With her last ounce of strength she opened the door and fell into the burnt corridor, smoke stained the walls, soot covered the floor and a stench of death filled her nose. She slowly crawled through the ashes of life as she searched the cells for the one she needed.

She crawled through the ashes of the ones who had died, the ones who had lost and the ones who couldn't escape. She went past each cell where five skeletons hung, where bodies slowly decayed in the abandoned chamber. She saw where hell truly was and she saw those too weak to survive.

Then she saw her room. She saw the walls blackened by fire, the floors stained with death and she saw the single mark of whiteness – her hand print pressed perfectly into the wall. She dragged her own lifeless body to the wall and raised her hand; she lifted her pale shaking hand to the place where her skin had fallen. Her bandaged hand fell into the mark, her skin still pressed to the wall, shrivelling where it had detached from its frail form. Tracing the mark of herself on the wall of death she felt a strength pulse through her, she felt a last surge of hope forcing her to prevail. She tore her hand from the wall – just as she had before, only this time she had no skin to lose. Then she turned to the door, she could feel her blood pulsing within her stomach as wounds wept for her, as stitches tore out and organs bled. But she didn't care, she turned to the door and moved away, she knew where she had to go and what she had to do – and so she prevailed.

She crawled along the corridor until she could remember the burning of the smoke within her lungs; she coughed emptily until she saw a closed door. The metal was badly scorched and the frame was bent with heat, yet the door still remained closed. Rose knelt beside it, gently panting as her collapsing lungs heaved for air, and she raised her hand once more. Her fingers splayed against the heavy metal of the door and she winced as her ribs reacted to the movement.

She leant all her weight against the door, pushing with all the force of her life, and finally, after moments of tedious silence, the door began to creek in resistance to her movement. She winced as she pushed the door on its swollen joints, its whined in protest again but Rose was relentless. She pushed and heaved until the metal moved beneath her, the door swung with such a force that she was flung into the room.

Her face was pressed to the cool stone floor again, she heaved a breath in as she realised this room was free of soot and smoke. She braced her hands against the cool floor and tried to push herself up. The arms throbbed in protest but she continued, she pushed herself over and over again until her head raised up. She squinted into the darkness that cloaked the room until her eyes saw the wall before her, she blinked once more and realised what she saw. It was her Doctor.


	19. Chapter 19

And slowly I tie up all the loose ends...there is one more chapter after this one till the end. Thanks for reviewing!

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Nineteen

_As the images unwind like the circles that you find, in the windmills of your mind…_

As Rose raised her eyes she caught sight of a skeletal figure attached to a wall. She could see thin hair resting on the scalp of a skull like face, she could see frail fingers reaching out for something it could not reach, and she could see a blood stained suit hanging off the figure.

She pulled herself across the cold floor, her frail skeleton bumping over the stones as she continued, the only thing keeping her going was the hope that she wasn't too late. As she pulled herself across the floor she could see his trademark Converses stained with deep crimson blood. She crawled and crawled until she finally rested at his feet, she raised her feeble hands to his legs where the skin hung off him like a cloth over a table. She traced the skeletons of his legs, raising her hands until she reached his waist. Slowly she pulled herself up, slowly releasing gasps of pain as she brought herself to her broken feet.

Then she stood before him once again. So much time had passed and so much pain had been endured, yet everything was still the same. She raised one shaking bandaged hand and traced it gently down his cheek, her tender fingers sinking into the hollow cheekbones of his face. His hair was matted to his forehead by dried blood which easily fell apart as Rose dragged her fingers through it.

One hand rested on the cheek of his pale lifeless face and her other hand sunk until it rested gently upon the thin bones of his hand. She laced her fingers within his until their grasp was reunited, she gently stroked his cheek, her hands soft against the rough skin of scabs. Then she leant her forehead against his, her cold breaths falling onto his face as her lips hovered moments above his

'Doctor' she whispered, her voice hoarse as she choked,

'Doctor…I never let go' she whispered as she squeezed his hand.

'I never let go' she choked as tears finally over took her, they rolled steadily over her cheeks – the salty marks stinging her wounds as she wept. It was the first time she had cried since she had awoken without her memory, and she wept heavily against his shoulder willing him to survive.

'I never let go' she barely whispered into his ear as her tears stained his face, mixing with his blood as they fell to the floor.

As she cried into him – returning to the lost lonely girl she was – she felt a movement beneath her. She felt the dead bones return to life as they trembled at the soft caress upon his abandoned skin, his fingers stroked hers ever so slowly as she raised her head from his broken shoulder.

Tears blurred her vision until she had blinked them down her cheeks, then her eyes could focus upon the empty brown gaze that rested upon her face. She saw his lips try to move but she shook her head at him, he winced but never tore his eyes off of her. She smiled gently at him, her hands running swiftly along his face

'Rose' he finally choked – she released as sob as he whispered her name. Her head fell against his as they whispered each others names

'Doctor' she wept gently as their hands intertwined – her gripped her tightly as though he were afraid she was about to slip away from him. She shook her head gently at him this time

'I'm not going anywhere' she promised as she traced the lines of war on his face. He smiled at her, barley able to make out her face amongst the black dots that wrecked his vision.

Her hands fell swiftly to the locks that held him as her world began to spin around; she blinked rapidly and pulled at the locks that had been withered by the flames. She cried out as she used her last moment of strength to pull them open, finally they pulled apart, the heaving metal of his chains falling to the floor and echoing heavily throughout the empty torture chambers.

Rose fell to the floor with the chains, she couldn't force herself to stand – she didn't have the strength left, she'd been fighting too long. The Doctor pulled himself away from the wall – falling to the floor instantly on his weakened legs. He lay alongside Rose on the floor, their hands intertwined as he watched her.

Then slowly he began to crawl across the floor, he ignored the failing organs within his skin, he ignored the blood that wept from him, he ignored the bones that made up his body which creaked and cracked in protest. He ignored it all as he pulled his Rose across the floor and towards the freedom they needed.

Slowly, inch by inch, they moved across the room. Their hands intertwined as each of them passed from consciousness to darkness and back again – each urging the other on as they prepared to give up, yet their hands remained intertwined, speaking all the words they were too tired to form.

They crawled until they reached the fresh grass wet with dew as it wiped upon their faces, the moved along the hillside, the dark grass marking them as the sun slowly awakened from its slumber watching over them.

Lying in another field a young man sat. He had his head rested back against the brick wall of a building, his red curls were flattened upon his head and his cheeks were stained with tears. His forgotten name badge reading 'Jacob' was discarded on the floor as he watched as the forgotten sun slowly rose over the hillside and began to shine down upon him. He closed his eyes as he tried to forget his political war – as he tried to forget the prisoners he had taken, the torture he had inflicted, the methods he had researched for. He tried to forget the government that force him to take people as they slept in their beds to become medical research…research which consisted of torture forms.

Yet there was one face that bore into his mind, the simple face of a lost, innocent girl framed by blonde hair. Her empty eyes staring into his soul as she turned away from him – she ignored revenged, she ignored pain and she ignored anger. He couldn't help but remember the love that shone in her eyes, backed by determination as she turned to the hills. The last image in his mind before he died was of the young girl, so sure to die, turning into the hills for one last chance.

And as he dropped the knife to the floor, and the last drop of blood fell from his body, he saw her face in his mind looking down at her – and he finally realized the true force of guilt. The guilt that killed him caused by the girl who was too willing to survive.


	20. Chapter 20

And this is the last chapter. Its a bit open to interpretation...so really whatever you want to happen, happens.

* * *

In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Twenty

_Like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel, never ending or beginning on an ever-spinning reel…_

As the sun welcomed a new day, two bodies lay before the doors of a blue box. It was battered by the rain and the mud, it was long forgotten, yet it stood proudly on the hill top looking over the war stricken city below.

Slowly the Doctor dragged Rose through the doors and she dragged him until they reached the control room. Together they lay on the metal floor, their hands intertwined and their hearts heaving with effort to live.

The Doctor took one last look down at his tireless companion who battled so hard to save him; a smile almost touched his lips as he hit the control panel for the last time. As the Tardis whined and took off into space he turned down to Rose, a smile rested on his lips as he stroked as golden curl off her forehead.

'Thank you' he whispered as he pressed a soft kiss to her coarse lips – unable to look at the wounds that wrecked her body. She responded by sliding her hand within his, their fingers tightly locked together as her head rested upon his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her body as they held on to one another.

'I'll never let go – I promise' she vowed to her Doctor, her voice a weak choke – her voice being the only trace of life within her wrecked body.

'I can never let you go' the Doctor admitted weakly as he clung to her hand.

Then as the weakened rush of blood made its way round their bodies, they felt the pounding within their slight began to fade. Together they slipped into the darkness, their hands and bodies forever intertwined as the one they were always destined to be.

The Tardis floated alone through time and space, wandering – just as her masters had, lost and afraid as her occupants lay together. Not alive and not dead – just together. And fading into the darkness of time was how the last Time Lord and his hero would disappear; no one would ever know what had become of them as they lost themselves in the life they had always wanted to lead.

Because through death they had found life. And through life they had found death.

…_And the world is like an apple rolling silently in space, like the circles that you find in the windmills of her mind_

* * *

The End

* * *

I hope you enjoyed! And thank you for reading and all your lovely reviews along they way. I'd love to know what you thought!


End file.
